My New Show
Christmas 2006/7 I made the resolution to get a pilot screened at Channel 102, something which isn’t possible now since they’ve changed their name to Channel 101:NY. Immaterial, I still want to have something shown there - just because I don’t want to let yet another thing lapse into never being finished, so I’m working on a new show;
My regular reader will already see where this is going - I step into the considerably sexy shoes of Mrs Lawrence Fox and do the routine, albeit in 5 minutes instead of 25 and with at least 400% more fat jokes. But in my neverending quest to increase interactivity, I post my first draft for you, discerning comedy fans to see what you think and how you would improve the script to make it razor-sharp. You are my friends and my sounding board - consult away.
L’Homme De Jour
The Secret Diary of a Male Call Girl
1. Ext. LONDON.
Steve is walking along the bridge at Charing Cross. We pan across to the visage of London and back again to Steve.
Steve V/O:
I love living in London. It’s the greatest city in the world. Full of noisy irritating people who don’t care what you do or who you’re doing it with. So really, the first thing you should know about me, is that I’m a whore.
2. Titles.
STEVE walking along tower bridge.
STEVE walking along embankment, looking the business.
STEVE standing and looking across the river, along which the logo appears, as if projected onto some vertex we can’t see. L’Homme Du Jour - The Secret Diary of a Male Call Girl.
2. STEVE in BED.
STEVE wakes up, he’s talking directly to camera.
Steve:
Morning
He rises with the camera and begins to talk to it. He is wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt.
Steve:
Man-Escort, Man-Hooker, Man-Prostitute, Man-Whore. I don’t care what you call me. It’s all semantics.
3. STEVE in the toilet, sat on the loo.
There are many different types of man-prostitites. I’m very high-class, I charge by the hour, and I charge… a lot. (beat). I bet you’re wondering how someone so horrifyingly ugly gets paid to sleep with women?
STEVE pulls out a photo of Ron Jeremy and cocks an eyebrow.
STEVE’s phone rings.
STEVE (To Camera)
‘cuse me.
4. Int. Office.
STEVE’s PIMP - MARTIN is sat in an office, very high class, very expensive.
MARTIN:
A new client for you this afternoon. She’s got some (pause) particular tastes.
5. Int. Toilet
STEVE:
Roger and out.
6. STEVE’s bedroom
STEVE:
Being a Male Call-Girl is exactly the same as being a lawyer. You have to give the client…
CUT-TO
7. Another bedroom
STEVE V/O:
Exactly what she wants…
—
More to come tomorrow people - tell me what you think so far…
