I am not a vegetarian, I am a free man!
Unless you’ve been stalking me on Facebook, you’ll be unaware that I’ve been dabbling something a little subversive, a little dangerous, a little outré; Vegetarianism. This rates below homosexuality on the list of ‘things to write home about’ but I’m sure my Veggie and Vegan friends will be staring in disbelief, I have a reputation for being as much the meat-consuming baron. In fact, I doubt I’ve gone 15 years without eating something meat-related each day. My only favourite flavour of crisps often contain some derivation of Cow and I literally survived my third year of uni on fried mince.
But not anymore. Last monday I began ‘Project No Meat’, and depending on your level of militancy, I’m either a saint or the worst kind of sinner. Because home cooking is the very embodiment of ‘Meat & 3′, the aim was to replace the meat with Quorn, Tofu or Cauldron materials which would be a low-fat, healthier and vegetable-licious alternative. Let’s do the rest of this, FAQ style:
So what do you do for lunches, Dan?
Well, I’m still eating classical sandwiches, which involve some sort of lunch-meat, usually ham, beef or chicken, hence why I don’t consider myself to have been on a ‘Vegetarian diet’. I’d be an awful vegetarian anyway.
You’ve done 7 days of this, any results to speak of?
Yeah. When I began my diet in September 06, I weighed a staggering 19st 2lbs. By the end of my degree, I had shed 1st, and had frequently managed to get to 18st 0lbs, but had never managed to get beyond that. I had hit ‘a plateau’. This created massive despondancy in me, and without even small, incremental wins, It’s been hard to keep the morale up. When I started this, I was 18st 2lbs, Saturday I weighed 17st 12lbs, a loss of 5lbs.
You’re deluded chubby; that’s just water retention
If that’s the case then I’ve been retaining special heavy water like the Nazis wanted to use in ‘49. If it was a case of water retention, then it’d have fallen off during the initial burst of weight loss. The fact I have hit a wall since March indicates that this is the real deal.
5lbs in a week is dangerous, you should go back to eating lots and lots of meat
Shush. This won’t keep up, i’m sure it’ll slow down during week 2 of this project, but I’m hoping to remove some more meat from the diet and replace it with more vegetables.
I trust you’ve been exercising, Dan
I cycle for an hourthree days in every four, I do weights every other day. I’m not being silly.
So would you reccomend this to other lardies then?
Kinda. I’ve managed to do this through a combination of luck, willpower and an ability to fall off the wagon and trust I can get back on. I’m sure had I been a puritan about this, I could be wafer thin by now, but it’s come off slowly. Also a lot of faux-meat products taste like dogshit.
Cauldon Sausages are vile with a capital CAT PISS. Do not, under any circumstances, eat them, in fact avoid all Cauldron produce, and stick to Quorn. The only issue of which, is that it bends you over and rapes your wallet instead of your fat cells.
Would you like to give us any cooking suggestions?
You old flatterer, see the next post.
