Issue 5

NEW MASCOT CALLED FOR FOR KENT UNION!

A new mascot has been called for, after the unfortnuate death of Kenty, the blind, two legged homosexual goat that has been UKC's official mascot for the last four years. Kenty was originally the mascot for Gay Animals for Equality! during the late 80's, and later on had moved into the realm of public speaking, replacing Orlando Bloom's mum (Currently Kent's most valued guest speaker) on several occaisions. His gifted public speaking ability and comic timing made him a treasure of the after-dinner speaker market, and after appearing in the video for Radiohead's "Goat's Out" achieved a further cult status.

Petitions have been suggested from students, including a group who want to save money by continuing to use Kenty's old hutch and supply of feed. If no other better suggestion is found, then David Budd will be relocated to the hutch for an initial period of eleven years. He has said previously that he will not wear very little clothes aside from a white mirkin and a length of washing line around his neck, but traditionalists are suggesting that he may be forced to go through with it.

"KUNT" is just a series of Ad- Hominem attacks, critic says.

An unnamed reviewer has cited that KUNt is merely a series of ad-hominem attacks against David Budd and Stephen Lamyman. The Editor of KUNt, Burly Scandinavian Johann S. Christmas danced around waving his arms around chanting "Look at me, I'm Bleeta, look, i like spoorrrt!" before falling to the floor and slapping himself silly. When he had finished, we asked him for comment.

[he] danced around waving his arms around chanting "Look at me, I'm Bleeta, look, i like spoorrrt!"

"KUNt has never been just a series of Ad-Hominem attacks, we also specialise in blatant generalisations and slightly right-wing racism" before drinking his eleventh cup of coffee that day, he added "Also, and more importantly, I'd like to say that I've pledged to review all forthcoming KUNt features to avoid such Ad-Hominem attacks in the future, but I can tell you now that the reviewer in question is an ugly fat lazy commie pinko bastard."

"FAIR AND BALANCED" ELECTION TO TAKE PLACE

In the wake of the 2003 elections, where David Budd was voted as president, the question was asked: "Who in their right mind would vote for him?"

We don't know either