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Issue
4 This week, we're taking a look at the newest issue of KRED. Since the Union have decided to lean on us, we've found it within our hearts to change our policy, and from now on will be merely "reviewing" things from now on. We commence
with our review of KRED's film section: Objetification of men never seemed so far away. "The must see movie of the moment, is Bride and Prejudice..." the film section starts, making it's glorious commencement into the KRED world; "The title is obviously taken from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice..." it continues. Well, all we can say here at KUNt is well done. Apparently it took the film section eleven hours to come up with that connection, and good on them! It's also good to see that in the apolitical, a-discriminatory world that is the University, you would never find a phrase which was so obviously discriminatory toward people, for example "Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal, best friends since childhood, not only are they eye candy, but they also have talent!". Objetification of men never seemed so far away. We weren't smart enough to understand the article. Perhaps you will be. They also step up to the plate with their article on social realism, which is so impenetrable to anyone who tries to read that, that they are naturally, trying to improve upon the previous notions of stupidity within the University. You have to be pretty smart to read this article, and to understand it's diverse, rambling series of concepts. We weren't smart enough to understand the article. Perhaps you will be. Again their statement that M. Night Shyamalan seemed to rest on the idea that he makes money at the box office. An admirable suggestion, but since they manage to criminally ignore his best film, and instead gloss over with a series of drooling love letters to The Sixth Sense, and it includes the word "film-watcher". Pity the children. The film section concludes with a review of throwback incest movie The Dreamers, written from the notion that instead of a film review, what we are meant to be reading is in fact, a selection of mood-prose articles. "a relationship so claustrophobic as to give off a stultifying heat" is a gem of a quote, since it's the closest we get to telling the audience that, in fact the film is about a brother - sister - lodger threesome. It's as if KRED was scared of telling the truth to their audience. But that could never happen, eh? NEWSBYTES UNION STATES THAT KENT WILL BE "Blander than Ever" in 2005 In an impassioned speech, unusual for the regularly dispassionate David Budd, he pledged that Kent will strive to achieve a higher level of blandness within it's student body and it's provision of services. They have already overtaken old estimates that there would be but only provision of entertainment for Kent students, the Venue, and are planning to close Mungos, Woodys and the Rutherford Bar and shovel the money into refurbishing the venue into a far more bland state. The plan, outlined in the white paper "Blandness for all" outlines how and why all other provision for services will be closed down, including the destruction of the one society Budd founded during his time - the chess club. The rift between Budd and the Chess club started when there was a vote to see who became president for the 2002-2003 term, but whilst an overwhelming number of votes went for Robert Gregory, Budd's success was announced by KRED and other public bodies were forced to tow the line. Filmmaking tertiary vice president Gavin Ramsbottom is preparing a film entitled "Kentenheit 911 (or David Budd is a big eared useless twat)" for release in 2005.
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(c) The Burly Scandinavians. Would you like to return home?